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My Neighbors (Important)
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Author name (Administrator) #61
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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In reply to post ID 1831
I have no idea what they eat.  Their main entrance is hidden to me by trees, so I don't see them coming and going unless it's out the back door.  My guess is they don't eat well, neither parent strikes me as any kind of cook. 

While I certainly don't discount your theory as a component of their troubles, I think their problem is much more likely to be a result of arrogant pride combined with a society that does not require any kind of behavioural standard.
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #62
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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JayJay's exhibiting his normal inability to correlate actions and reactions.  He's trying to get five bucks from his dad, and what started off with the normal screaming for "five bucksssuh" quickly escalated into a wildly variable attempt to get paid.

One second he's screaming "give me five fucking bucksssuh!" and in the same breath he's screaming "mmoooooom" and "Daddy please, just give me the moonneeey"  Mom's staying well out of it, which shows some remarkable restraint as she's normally ready to leap into any fray...    Oops, thar she blows. 

It's been a ten minute battle for that five dollars so far.  Dad's threatened to beat JayJay's face in, mom's bellowed like the Great Whale she is, RayRay chimed in at least once, but so far no money's changed hands.

JayJay alternates between obscenity-laced demands and begging, interspersed with sobs and frustrated, senseless screaming.  It's a non-stop cacophony of high-speed randomized output generated by whatever ping-pong brain is rattling around in his head.  What he wants right now is the single most important thing in his entire young life, but he's without mechanism to obtain it, so he just freaks out.

Damn, but it's funny.
BLEARGH
Author name #63
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Member since Jun 2009 · 25 posts
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Subject: thought?
we should take a jam past your house one day and just sit outside and see what happens haha. it could turn out quite fun :-D
money cake..ayumyumyumyumyumyum
Author name (Administrator) #64
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Mom just burst out of her house, slamming the door open and screaming "Motherfucker!"  She was chasing someone or something, and was around the other side of the house where I couldn't hear her well, but she did say one thing that which I thought probably has a great backstory:

"You're fucking blacker than me, [don't] call me a nigger."

I wish I had a better view!!!


Just now, dad's mowing the lawn and mom's yelling right in his face "I want a fucking six pack, ya cunt!"

Then she stomps back into the house and dad keeps on mowing the lawn.  A few minutes later there's some additional yelling but I don't know why.
BLEARGH
This post was edited on 2009-07-19, 15:44 by NFG.
Author name #65
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Member since Apr 2009 · 59 posts · Location: Bendigo
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You should make a T.V show about this....
Author name (Administrator) #66
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Dad and JayJay are going to war.  Or at least, dad's going somewhere without JayJay and, naturally, JayJay's freaking out like it's the most important thing in the world.  Which it is, no doubt. 

Dad: you're not coming!
JayJay: But I've got my own moonneeeeeey!  You don't have to pay for meee!
Dad: <muffled>
JayJay: Why the fuck won't you fucking take meeeee?
Dad: Don't you swear at me!
JayJay: I'm sooooorryyyy!  I promise, I won't swear, ever again!

And how long do you think that lasted? 

Not long.  After another five minutes of low-level screaming back and forth, dad finally loses it:

Dad (snarling): Fuck off, JayJay!  Get out of my face!
JayJay (as loud as he can): Whyyyyy?  Don't take it out on meeee!   AARRHGHAHAHHAHahaha <crying>

I swear, if they had weapons this would be the stage they put the pointy sticks down and put bazookas on their shoulders.  What a great game that would make, with these two hopelessly defective people circling each other and blowing massive chunks out of their house.  Mom would sit on the couch, stoned out of her mind, half-heartedly saying "heeeey....." now and then, until JayJay loses a round and suddenly she's the Almighty Child Protector, raging and beating the shit out of dad with a frying pan.
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #67
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Looks like JayJay's moved out.  Or something.

[Image: /grafx/throwaway/NeighborWTF.jpg]

What.

The.

Hell.

That's a serious production right there, with a swing set, couch, trampoline and two steel rods pounded into the lawn, and a tarpaulin thrown over the lot.  Throw in a large table, and a few blankets, and you've got...  Uh...

What the hell is going on over there?
BLEARGH
Author name #68
Member since Jan 2009 · 4 posts · Location: New Cumberland, PA USA
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Man, this just keeps gettin' better and better :-D
Author name (Administrator) #69
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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I just recorded JayJay screaming at his mom, who seems to have lit a fire in their back yard, right about where that orange chair is in the photo above.

I'll post it later, but before I forget, he screamed "You care about your own fucking family more than your fucking kids."

Wait, what?  Her kids aren't her family?  JayJay, go back to school!

EDIT:

Here you go!  Sorry about the quality, the only microphone I had was the one in my celphone...  Doesn't really do the best job, the highway 500m away is almost as loud.  =/

JayJay wants to get inside, so he can sleep.  Dad's not keen on the idea (nor is the dog down the road).

You care about your own fucking family.
BLEARGH
This post was edited 2 times, last on 2009-07-31, 23:07 by NFG.
Author name (Administrator) #70
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This morning I wake to find there's a gentleman in their backyard, dressed in winter jacket and toque (Australians would call it a beanie), sitting next to a fire roaring away in what appears to be the top half of a shopping basket.  He's on a chair next to it, hunched over a newspaper spread on the corner of the basket.

He's reading a newspaper

Which is resting on a basket

Which contains a fire.

I've got nothing to add to that, but I'll let you know if it catches fire.
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #71
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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To make up for not having my camera handy for a photo of Immolation Man (previous post), here's one from 2007 when JayJay and friend were jumping off the roof onto their trampoline:

[Image: /grafx/throwaway/RoofJumpin.jpg]
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #72
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Interesting things going on next door tonight.  I heard a calm but serious voice tearing strips off mom.  Trying to remember what was said, but I came in halfway, only noticing something was going on 'cause at one point mom was wailing and crying.

You got a baby, ya cunt.  You can't be going off about him doing the right thing when you're doing fuck all.  You're doing fuck all.

You smashed the TV, you smashed the fishtank, 'cause you're just going off. 

You go on about 'the man' but you're not doing anything, ya cunt.

I'll drag you into rehab myself.

I'll come back tomorrow and you'd better be straight.

Jason, I'll help you, brother.  I'll help you get her into rehab.

Completely out of order and out of context, but reasonably accurate, I think.

Wow.  I dunno who he is.  He sounded old or from a similar background as mom.  Seemed serious, seemed to genuinely care.  A new chapter beginning, or a temporary reset of the insanity?
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #73
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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So mom and dad were having a bit of a disagreement this morning.  I'm not entirely sure what the deal was, as I  was just stepping out of the shower and missed the lead-up, but I did manage to hear dad say:

"All I can say is, get a life."

It was a lie, as he had lots more to say, like "get a life mate" and just "get a life." 

In total, he said 'get a life' twenty two times in various combinations.  Twenty two.  In, like, a minute.

And then he lost his cool, and snarled out "Just fucking get a grip on life, Samantha!"

To which mom said to JayJay "Get the fuck out of my house or I'll kill you.  I'll stab you with this knife."

Mom knows how to win an argument, I'll tell you.  Change targets and pull out a knife.

She scares the shit out of me.  =D
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #74
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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An era has passed now.  After three years in the old house, something of a record for us, we have left the neighborhood and, sadly, our batshit neighbors.  The new place is not far away, but we will no longer be serenaded every morning and night by their antics.

It's not all sad news.  The last time I mowed the lawn I received two final gifts:

[Image: /grafx/throwaway/PartingGifts.jpg]

And though it's doubtless my imagination, the last day I was at the old place cleaning up, mom and dad were fighting and it seemed a special script for the occasion:

Dad: I'm going!  I'm going!  I'm not coming back, I've had enough.
Mom: Go already.  I don't care.  I never fucking cared.
Dad: I'm going!  I'm going!  I'm going!
Mom: Ah, fuck you.  Fuck everybody.

<wipes away a tear>  How awesome is that?  What a finale!

(It's never really over.  He was back again in an hour.)
BLEARGH
Author name (Administrator) #75
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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We just bought a house.

It is the house we used to live in.

Our neighbors are still there, and still very much batshit insane.

Quote by JayJay:
Fuuuuuck yooooou!

I didn't do nothin'!!

Ya fucking caaaaaaant!!!!

More stories to come.  =D
BLEARGH
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