The girl at Woolies

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The girl at Woolies

(Administrator) 2008-07-29, 15:47 #1

Member since May 2011 · 2203 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: The girl at Woolies

So I have a seriously fun time with most of the kids at my local Woolworths. All the girls like me and a few of the guys as well. Today though was pretty great:

I get into line at the Express counter, and there are three girls working. One sees me and ducks behind her monitor, so I go to the next available one, The girl who ducks stands up, sees me in the other line, and shouts "You traitor!" Cue some back and forth banter where I told this other girl how terrible the girl who hid is, and how she's a disgrace to the uniform.

After paying for my groceries I walk past her, and she says "I can't believe you cheated on me. You cheated on me!"

"Yeah," I says. "And it was awesome."

"You're not my favourite customer anymore!"

"You mean I used to be!?"

"Er, no, but now you're definitely not!"

Last time I was in there the guy at the deli gave me a free hat, after I abused him about the quality of his sliced turkey meat.

I love woolies. =D

BLEARGH

(Administrator) 2008-08-28, 17:23 #2

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Just a quick update... There's a girl at Woolies who always says she'll come to my house while Zumi's out of town, and I always bitch that she says that but doesn't actually turn up. She complains in turn that I never give her the address... Well, that changed a couple of nights ago.

A paste from another conversation:

me: last night at woolies the girl who serves me was talking about the other one, the one who threatens to come to the house. She said she totally would do it, and I said she wouldn't, so we bet $2 and I gave her the address. Apparently the other girl's day off is on sunday, and I think I'm gonna win two bucks when she doesn't show. if I can do that 1500 more times, I can pay for the camera.

Zumi: haha, you'll be visiting every woolies in QLD.

me: no kidding.

Zumi: cuz you don't want girls from coles.

BLEARGH

This post was edited on 2008-08-28, 17:26 by NFG.

2008-08-28, 23:59 #3

User title: Dreaming of a 40D
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That's because coles girls are sluts. We like *quality* women (girls) of loose morals here.

(Administrator) 2008-09-01, 21:22 #4

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So I went down to woolies tonight. I'm hoping to find the girl who didn't show (as far as I know, I was actually out most of the day...) and give her a bit of abuse for being chicken. She wasn't working tonight, so I had the pleasure of the two girls who were there trying to serve me before the other one did.

After ringing up my grocs I realized I forgot something, and I asked her if it was OK I go get it. I know, terrible customer me, right? But she says it's cool, so I go grab the other stuff and come back. The same girl served me again, to the disappointment of the other, but she says "You can help me serve him if you want."

I replied "I've always wanted two at a time."

Sha laughs. "I'm too young to hear that kind of thing! I'm going to tell on you."

I said "As if. Who would you tell?"

"My mother" she says.

Oh. Right, yeah, that won't go down well. I faked my way out of it, mumbling "I don't know what you're talking about, my comments were entirely innocent."

She stuck her tongue out at me.

On my way out the door I told the other girl I didn't want her to serve me 'cause she was blonde. She protested "It's brunette again, look!" I examined her sandy blonde hair for a moment, and said "Yeah, Um, no it's not." She made some excuse about her hairdresser using the wrong something or other, and I said "Sorry, I don't know much about hair colours."

She looked at my bald head and smirked, and I had the good sense to beat a hasty retreat.

BLEARGH

(Administrator) 2008-09-09, 21:09 #5

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So I popped by Woolies tonight, needed milk. The girl who bet me two bucks was there and she smiles when she sees me and says "I guess I owe you two bucks."

Later she high-fives me across the girl who was serving me. =)

BLEARGH

2009-08-14, 16:19 #6

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Subject: err; confusion hits an all time hi..

So errm.. Whos who in the story?
I'm guessing its me & Katie who served you two at a time.
I'm the one who coloured her hair.
& Jess bet you $2?

(Administrator) 2009-08-14, 16:37 #7

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You're the $2 girl, silly.

I think. No one else promised to come to my house, did they? I'm not sure who threatened to turn me in to their mom, might have been Katie, might have been Jess... And the hair... Geez, I don't think any of the people are who you think they are. I'm not even sure you're who you think you are anymore.

BLEARGH

2009-08-14, 23:16 #8

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This was all an elaborate scheme to get Woolworths girls to join your site, no?

(Administrator) 2009-12-24, 10:26 #9

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Hah, yeah, and it totally worked. =D

Last night they were open till midnight, and there wasn't a particular reason for doing so, if you look at the event from a customer/sales perspective. At 11:15 we checked in to find only one or two other people in there, to be handled by some 20 staff. Crazy, right? Yeah. One of the girls (Hi Jess!) was totally hitting on me, Zumi thought it was quite funny, as did her co-workers.

Anyway, a few days ago, I was shopping at the deli, and I asked the girl for one of her finest chicken breasts. She turns to her coworker and says something I didn't catch. She turns back to me and asks which one I'd like. "The best one" I replied.

Well she cups her own breasts and says "That'd be these then!" Her co-worker says from the other end of the counter "And that's why she's going home with you!" (I guess that's what she told her moments earlier!) Awesome awesome. I told her I only wanted one breast, and didn't want to split up such a lovely pair. She asks me to reconsider, as they're marked to clear.

I told her I didn't want any old, saggy breasts, only the firm, youthful ones. She asks "Would you like to see the box? I can show it to you!" presumably because it'd show the date on it. I declined the offer, and she selected and wrapped up one plump little breast and handed it to me.

"Will there be anything else?" she asks.

"No," I replied. "Any girl who offers to sell me her breasts and show me her box has satisfied my needs completely."

True story.

BLEARGH

This post was edited on 2009-12-24, 12:00 by NFG.

2009-12-26, 21:20 #10

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Subject: =]

more stuff about us kthanksbye

(Administrator) 2009-12-26, 21:44 #11

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More about you, eh? OK.

The other day we were in Woolies, and one of our favourite girls (that'd be the author of the above post then) found out Zumi was freshly back from Japan. She asked for some candy, as you'd expect. We didn't have any... She harrassed us for candy the next time, and we had none. By the third time, Zumi was ready, and gave her a Japanese lemon-flavoured throat lozenge.

The next time we were there, she complained that the candy hurt her throat.

WTF.

BLEARGH

(Administrator) 2010-01-10, 18:39 #12

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Subject: More Woolies Girls Stories!

The girls at my local Woolies are just awesome.

First, a story: When I was six years old and living in Riddel's Creek, Victoria, I got into an argument with my teacher who wrote on the board "bought it to school". I maintained that she meant to write "brought" but she was quite adamant that I was wrong, and perhaps I ought to just shut up before making a fool of myself in class again.

Well, it's many, many years later and I'm still quite convinced she was wrong.

Anyway, two days ago at Woolies there was a fish.

This fish (I later found out its name was Rodriguez, which surprises me less than I think it should) was happily existing in a tupperware container on the customer service counter. I asked the woman behind the counter why it was there, and she says "Oh, it's hers <points>".

"Yes," I replied, "but why is it here?"

"She brought it" was the helpful answer.

"Yes, but why?"

The woman, clearly becoming exasperated, repeated herself: "She just brought it!"

"Oh!" I said to her. "She just bought it?" As in, at the pet store next door, on her break or something.

"Yes!" the woman said, so happy that the dumb foreigner in front of her finally figured out the mystery.

Which brings me to the conclusion of this boring story: Australians don't know the difference between brought and bought. Geez.

Today, I saw a bright orange sign taped to one of the tills that said "DO NOT USE. DRAW IS REMOVED." I asked one of the girls who the genius was that made the sign and she didn't know why I was asking. I asked her to spell drawer, and she looked confused (Hi Katie!). I explained to her that it was spelled drawer and that draw was something you did with a pencil, or to curtains. She seemed to understand, so I pushed forward with her education, and said "Tell me about your drawers."

She declined.

While shopping for meat at the deli, they had neither chicken breasts nor lean ground beef, but they did have chicken necks for my dad's dog. I was, quite understandably, outraged, and I was berating the staff. "But we have one out of three!" she pleaded. "Yes," says I, "but it's for the dog. I will now starve to death, and it's your fault." She didn't seem particularly concerned, and I asked her if she cared not on account of her paycheque being the same either way. She said that was more or less exactly the case.

The deli girl with the breasts (see 2 posts up) girls was hosing down the floor and counter, and sprayed me a little. I complained, as you do, and the other girl says "Be careful! You sprayed a customer!"

"He likes it when I make him wet" she says.

The sad thing is it's true.

While checking out, one girl asked Zumi if she still had her pink scooter. "I'd love to get one just like it" she says, "but I don't have my license. I mean, I have it now, but..."

What does that even mean? I quizzed her on it: does she have a license or not?

She started to explain how she had bleeding behind her retina, and the girl serving us (who'd been trying to scan our chicken necks for a good 45 seconds) says "Can you see me right now?"

Apparently she has had bad bleeding, but it's better now, and she got her learner's license but can't drive. I have no idea what that means, nor am I quite sure why the other girl (Hi Alicia!) was such a zombie today.

In other Woolies news, a $3.75 bag of chips was on sale for a whoping $0.18 off. I don't know why they even bother printing the tags.

BLEARGH

2010-01-10, 19:20 #13

Member since Sep 2007 · 173 posts · Location: Kobe, Japan
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Quote by NFG:
Which brings me to the conclusion of this boring story: Australians don't know the difference between brought and bought. Geez.

Not exactly the same, but Australians also say "AXED" instead of "ASKED".

“Be conservative in what you do; be liberal in what you accept from others.” J. Postel

2010-01-10, 20:03 #14

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It's unfortunate, but I'm pretty sure that most Australians who possess this uncanny ability to get spelling & grammar wrong are of a younger age. Possibly due to the amount of automated correction in technology these days? The rise of txt messages and leetspeak, which people transfer to their day-to-day spelling (or lack thereof).
Also maybe the fact that when you look at a standard group of teenagers, I guarantee that 75% of them would not read for the sake of reading, which also subconsciously reinforces better Grammatical skills too! What is the next generation going to be like? *shudder*

It's pretty amusing though that you had a teacher who was standing by their bought/brought mistake, how did you ever manage to make it through that class without being brainwashed into their method NFG? :P

(Administrator) 2010-03-01, 21:24 #15

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Subject: Adventures in Woolies!

What a night.

So I go to Woolies, shortly before their 9pm closing time. I needed batteries for the TV remote, and I happened to have a bag of shredded cheese that went moldy about an hour after we bought it.

I get there, pick up my batteries, and against my better judgment I get into the express lane. They don't give bags with express purchases anymore, 'cause somehow that's more environmentally unfriendly than the bags given in the regular checkout lanes. And of course I prefer to get bags, 'cause we use 'em for the rubbish bins in the house.

Anyway.

I get into the line and there are two people ahead of me. One was just finishing up her purchase, and the other was some large woman who apparently had trouble working out the proper change for a fifty dollar bill. The poor girl serving her (Hi D.!) says to me, over this lummox customer's shoulder "Hey NFG, which checkout are you going to?"

I replied "Whoever's done first."

Well, the other girl (Hi E.!) was done, and I was pretending not to notice, and she calls to me with a smirk "Next please!" I started walking towards her and D. says "Hey E. can you go get the front please?" So off she goes to serve the people buying tobacco.

E comes back and this moose of a customer was still trying to work out whether three tens and a twenty were appropriate change for a fifty, so I was still standing in line... E decides not to serve me (you bitch!) and wanders off, and eventually I get into D's line, and slap my batteries and cheese down on the counter. She rings up the batteries and asks for money, and I told her I'd like to return the cheese.

"What's wrong with it?" she asks, totally ignoring the fact that it's half black with mold.

"Well," I says, "It's gone a bit moldy."

"But you opened it."

"Yeah but it expires in like six weeks, and it's already bad. Serves me right for buying your home brand."

The cute girl next to her says "Oh, you bought our home brand? Why would you do that?"

"Obviously I'm an idiot." I replied.

D rings up my refund and throws away my cheese.

D asks me for advice about her laptop. She says it won't turn on unless it's plugged in. I ask her if it'll stay on when she unplugs it. She doesn't know, hasn't tried it. I ask her if she understands how electricity works, and she says no. I tell her it's funny how's she's just curious enough to wonder why it doesn't work, but not quite curious enough to actually try and work out the problem.

She says she doesn't really understand computers. I told her that laptop sellers just love people like her, and she says cheerfully "I bought it at Harvey Norman!"

Well, good then. <_<

She says "You make me sound like an idiot!"

...Not entirely sure that's my fault, but I'm OK with the blame for it. =D

I ask D and E if anyone who works there has an IQ over forty. They both point to the cute girl (mentioned earlier, whose name i have forgotten) and say "She does!"

I ask her "Why don't you rule this mob?"

She replies "Oh, they went to public school and I went to a private girls' school. I'm scared of them."

Can't say I blame her, actually.

I look at my batteries and exclaim "Hey! You threw away my bag! How will I get my batteries home in the rain?"

"Is it raining?" E asks, as if all the windows are broken.

"Yeah, and everyone knows you can't carry batteries in the rain. I need a bag!"

D reaches down and gets me a bag from under the counter. I'm stunned, and shout at her "You DO have bags in the express lane!"

She turns red "No no no, we don't! Oh no! Shit, oh I shouldn't have done that! They're for the angry, whiny customers... Like you." and she hands me the bag.

M tells me I can't leave yet, 'cause she has the keys and she's gotta go somewhere. She disappears down aisle six and I'm left there to ponder my fate, being trapped in Woolies with a bunch of insane checkout chicks.

I decide I'll die happy.

E rubs my head from behind with a long white pole. I look up at the tip appearing over my forehead and implore someone, anyone, to tell me what's going on!?

On the way out after M decides I'm allowed to leave, I try to take the stick. "Help help!" screams E. She glares at me and says "Our security guard's right over there!"

I tell her "I think I can take him" and continue yanking her rod. The guard crosses his arms and looks away.

I love my local woolies.

BLEARGH

This post was edited on 2010-03-01, 21:39 by NFG.

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