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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: Customers.  Srsly, what's with 'em?
I had this conversation with a customer yesterday.  I'm not sure how much more clear I could have been in my questions, but his answers were frustratingly vague:

Quote by Customer:
Could you please advise how I purchase new licence codes as I have added a new computer and have to update my version.

Quote by me:
I'm not sure what you're asking here.  Have you migrated your software to a new system?  Are you trying to add a new user to the existing network?  Or are you trying to upgrade to a newer version of our software?

Let me know, and I'll give you a useful answer.  =)

Quote by Customer:
We have added a new PC,

When I start your software, it comes up with a message that the version on the pc is older than the server, would I like to update now.  When I say yes, it comes up with the message than I have no license codes left to update and I need to purchase some new ones.

Now, that's just not helpful.  If he tries to install an additional user, he needs to buy a license.  If he wants to upgrade to a version newer than his license allows, he needs to buy an upgrade license.  I still have no idea what he's trying to do.

Quote by Me:
I'm still confused.  You have a new PC on the network, is this replacing an existing terminal, or is it an additional one?  Are you trying to add a user, or simply bring an older version of the software up to date with the
one on the server?

You would need a new license if:
1. you want a newer version of the software than you already have, or 2.
you want to add another new user to our software.

You do not need a new license if:
1. you're simply migrating our software to a new terminal
2. you're trying to sync the versions between systems.

So, where are you at?

So I've really spelled it out for him, right?  You'd think that'd work, right?  You'd be wrong.

Quote by Customer:
Basically it is a new terminal which I need to have the same version as my server which is version 5.34.

The software loaded has version 5.33.

When I go to use it, it comes up with the message that I should not be using different versions as the server and that I should update,

When I try to update I get the message that I have no licences left and is unable to update.

Oh come on!  That's the same useless answer, with added useless detail!

I replied:

Quote by Me:
I'm still not clear if this is replacing an old terminal, so you have the same number of concurrent users, or if this is a new user and your license needs to increase the allowable user count.  It's a $2,000 difference, so it would make sense to get it straight on my end.  ^_^

If you only need to synchronize the two, simply copy the application folder  from the existing system and overwrite the application folder on the  new  one.

I got his reply this morning, 12 hours after my first attempt to sort this out.  "That worked, thanks."

BRB, need to explode something.
BLEARGH
Author name #2
Member since Sep 2007 · 131 posts · Location: Canberra
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Man, never get me started on customers. I hate them so much! *fumes quietly*
Author name #3
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User title: Not to Scale
Member since Nov 2007 · 14 posts · Location: Brisbane, Australia
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Fortunately I work in a music shop, so customers are either mothers who have no idea and thus will buy whatever you say, or people who know exactly what they want and will either purchase or leave fairly quickly. You do get the occasional fool though. The worst is when they have an accent and you can't understand them. I don't like saying 'the what?' more than three times in a row.
Guy in the store today looking at guitars, starts playing one. 'Hey how about I play a rhythm and you can jam along to it' Yeh sure buddy, I'm totally not in the middle of something called work. While we're at it maybe I can teach you more than that one riff you seem so attached to.
Author name #4
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User title: I can haz cheezburgrz?
Member since Aug 2009 · 23 posts · Location: Samford, QLD, Australia
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Allans Music in the city?
Author name (Administrator) #5
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Yesterday was a great day for customer tales, I tell you.  In fact, I will tell you:

One guy calls, upset 'cause our documentation has a step-by-step description of what boxes to tick in our software, but the helpful 'look here' image shows all the boxes unticked.  He was very upset that he managed to spend hours on the problem without a clear answer 'cause we suck at documentation.


Another tech tried to argue with me, that we had installed their software for them when there's no way we'd drive three hours to install a simple Windows program.
Tech: "You guys must have done it when you installed the software." 
Uh, we didn't install it. 
Tech: "Sure, you came out here to put it on their computer." 
Uh, no, we don't drive three hours to install windows apps, that's silly. 
Tech: "Well, I wasn't here at the time but when I came back it was all running, so I'm 99.9% sure you guys came out here." 
Are you insane?  What the fuck goes on in that tiny pointed skull of yours?


Our head office dropped our popular products 'cause they weren't selling in other regions, then gets upset 'cause their less-powerful more-expensive replacement product isn't generating any interest in our office.  Then they decided not to issue a license for the old product, which we've already been paid for, 'cause it's past the cutoff date.  Never mind we've been working on it for like four months and it finally closed.  And then they won't take a rather profit-ful sale from a different customer 'cause he didn't update his software last year.  My attempts to explain that the software hasn't been updated in years and there's no point and look just take his $1500 was a hard sell.  Eventually they caved, but made sure I know that I was getting a special favour and that in the future they probably wouldn't take a customer's money without a damn good reason.

Seriously, you guys.


One woman couldn't tell me if her barcode scanner was wireless or not.  She also didn't know the name of our software, so I told her I'd really like to talk to someone who could answer these simple questions.  She put me through to a guy who could answer the first but still didn't know what our software actually was.  And yet they figured out our phone number??

Today's batch of retards better be better than these chumps, geez.
BLEARGH
Author name #6
Member since Sep 2007 · 131 posts · Location: Canberra
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Subject: Clients from Hell
In a similar style to your reports NFG, here is a website my brother pointed out for me with anon reports from designers and their interaction with clients:

http://clientsfromhell.net

It's good fun to read, and also slightly painful.
Author name #7
Member since Mar 2010 · 52 posts
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Yeah, that site's been on my RSS feed for a long time now.  =)
Just like NFG, but x 9!
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