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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: TV Commercials in Australia
I love commercials.  I think they give a unique insight into a culture, something you won't find in TV or movies or other pop media.  So I bought a capture device to record some of them.

Here's one of my favourites, a backyard repair taking a calamitous turn:

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BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This commercial appeals to me for a few reasons.  It has one of my favourite cars in it, for starters.  Every time a blue Skyline like this passed me on the street in Japan I'd nearly wet myself.  It was like being passed by one of those giant wedge-shaped ships in Star Wars.  It was all rumble and power and unf unf.  Damn I'm turned on right now.

Where was I...

Right, the ad.  It also has girls in it.  Cute ones.  I like cute girls.  ...yeah, nothing else worthwhile coming from me.  On with the video then!

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[Image: /grafx/tvads/JustCar-1.jpg]

[Image: /grafx/tvads/JustCar-2.jpg]
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This KFC ad really annoys me.  We're to believe that having one hand free gives a man the capability to vault a wall, crash a party, manhandle a DJs tables and carry on out the back - and be adored for it?  Fist bumped by the DJ?  Come on, how weak is this?

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I like this one though.  It's not particularly awesome, but it's clever and the use of CG is almost good enough that I can overlook it.

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BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This one pisses me off.  Menevit is a vitamin supplement for men, designed to help with sperm production.  Except it's using some nice weasel words - may help with sperm production - to mask the fact that it's probably not proven to do jack shit.

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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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I love this.  A small eyeglasses outfit takes a larger one to task for what seems to be pretty sleazy advertising.

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BLEARGH
This post was edited on 2009-05-11, 12:24 by NFG.
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: Two Beer Commercials
This Hahn beer ad pisses me off on so many levels.  Watch first, if you haven't already seen it.

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They've got a catch-phrase they really want to use: "In the spirit of good taste".  The problem is, it doesn't fit here.  It's out of place, which is bad enough, but worse is the woman screaming at the guy to turn the phone off when he's clearly trying very hard to do that already.

I suppose the song is supposed to get a laugh from me, but I find it to be the only enjoyable part of the whole ad, and that also makes me angry.  A total failure.
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This beer ad is much better than the one above.  White Stag comes up with a creative way to get rid of the carbs they removed from their low-carb beer:

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BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Since I've discovered how much more comfortable the couch is when sitting under a blanket in this winter cold I haven't had as much time to capture the ads I know you so anxiously wait for me to post here.

Here's one that I've been meaning to catch for a while.  It's an ad for McCain's frozen pizzas, which would probably be a solid product purchase if only they didn't cost as much as a fresh Dominos pizza.  The thing about this ad tho is that it's far too sexy for a McCain's ad.  A gorgeous girl (I mean it, she's hot!) and her cleavage?  You have my attention, now sell me something I actually want!

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Here's a closeup of the real action:

[Image: /grafx/tvads/McCainPizzaBoobs1.jpg]

And then there's this Vegemite ad.  I haven't actually watched it yet, I just noticed it in a longer recording and thought it looked funny.  I love the idea of vegemite cola.*

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  • it should be noted I do not love the taste of vegemite in any way.
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This ad pisses me off to no end at all.  You'd think I'd like it, with the racecars and the pretty ladies (if you like that Sandra Bullock thing, which I don't normally enjoy, but this one's cute) but I don't.  It pisses me off more or less from the start.

Guy: We need more speed!
Chick: I'm on to it!

I'm on to it!?  Who the fuck wrote this?  No one speaks like this.  "I'm on it!" we might say, but never "I'm on to it."  Argh, how retarded. 

And then it gets worse.

I can accept the conceit of a commercial that presents an unrealistic scenario where the product saves the day, but normally it's a realistic scenario with an unrealistic application: These pads soak up oil, blood and the stench of your life's failure!  But in this commercial, the product is made of magic.

The anti-headache pill is called Zavance, and the turbo mode is called Zavance for the car labeled Zavance.  So the woman needs to take a pill (Zavance) to cure a headache so she can push the button (Zavance) to make the car (Zavance) go faster.

AUGH fuck you fuck you fuck you.  This is stupid.

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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Does KFC make any good ads at all?  These are terrible.  Let's have a look.

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Right, right.  Two cute (ish) chicks are totally tolerant of this guy's inability to decide on lunch?  I don't buy it.  And I won't buy this product either, it's single-handedly responsible for 12% of Australia's obesity problem.  I mean, look at this: Four pieces of chicken, fries, potato and gravy, popcorn chicken, a bun and a coke?  Holy fucking hell, the calorie count on this would feed a small town.

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Is this product so unlike cayenne flavour that they had to change the name of it?  Or are they simply retarded?

These two, along with this ridiculous one-handed KFC ad put KFC in the lead for my Worst Commercial Of the Moment award.  I'll bet they're excited to hear it.

Staying with the fast food for a moment...

This McDonalds ad is a weird, guilty pleasure of mine.  I don't know why I like it, but I do.  I think it's the vapid blonde slut with her boobs totally derailed by the banner, and the adorable little '...huh!' sound she makes.  It just makes me want to punish her.  In bed.

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BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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I love this ad.  The I think it's your dad's line just slays me. 

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There's a related ad which I'll post later.

EDIT:  Here it is!
BLEARGH
This post was edited on 2009-07-30, 21:23 by NFG.
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This ad has bugged me for a long time.  They run it all the time, and they make a particularly wild claim which pisses me off.

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1.5 million members is an astonishingly high number for a country of 21 million people.  If you check the population breakdown there's only 14.4 million people in the country between ages 15 and 65.  There are no numbers for the actual target demographic for an adult matchmaking service, but to be generous we'll assume that every single Australian man and woman in this age group is a potential customer.

adultmatchmaker is trying to tell us that 7% of the country is signed up?  That more than 10% of the mating-age population of Australia is on board with them?  That's absurd even before we reduce the number by removing the sub-18s and the post-50s (who, let's face it, couldn't work out a website even if they could still go through the bedroom motions).  If we take out those people we're probably facing a number more like 15-20%.  Yeah, right.

Which means that one or more of the following things are true:
  • Some people have multiple accounts, and:
 
  • the company is too stupid to work this out, OR
 
  • they don't care, and hype the number anyway
  • One out of every seven Australians is looking for a mate AND uses this service
  • They lie.

Am I the only person doing this math?  Geez.
BLEARGH
This post was edited on 2009-07-29, 08:25 by NFG.
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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BAM!  AND THE DIRT IS MOTHERFUCKING GONE!  BITCHES!  That's how he should be reading this script.  At least then I could get over the fact he's a large middle-aged man excited about cleaning products.

Well, he's not really excited is he?  He's kind of faux-excited in that getting paaaaid kind of way.

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While watching this ad I can't get over two things:

What the hell does dose the power mean?

Why doesn't he ever look at the camera or product?  Is he...  Oh my god, I think he's reading from a teleprompter!  This isn't a complicated script, you moron!  Why couldn't you memorize this!?

Or, wait, maybe he's a famous sports celebrity or something?  Maybe he was tragically struck on the head and his eyes are messed up?  This might be a pity ad...  Or maybe his eyes just naturally point a different direction than he's looking...  I'd like to add a warning to the ladies: If you date this guy and he never looks at you, he may be getting his lines from a wingman.  Or, if this guy is staring into your eyes, he's probably staring at your chest.  Watch for that.

[Image: /grafx/tvads/BAM1.jpg]

[Image: /grafx/tvads/BAM2.jpg]
BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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This ANZ ad purports to show off how awesomely secure they are.   After a brief encounter with ANZ's 'falcon', their fancy fraud tracker, the man passes through a half dozen tricky security tests only to fail at the last, and he asks a girl to let him in anyway.

That doesn't really seem like good security to me, but what do I know?

I know I love the ad.  The robot fist-bump is a very clever identification method.  =D

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BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Three new ones for you tonight, including two ads for Wrigley's new '5' gum.  Frankly, I find these ridiculous.  I can't imagine the staggering budget that went in to these abstract, futuristic nonsense ads.  I find the stark black packaging appealing enough, thanks - what are you trying to sell me on here but a wasteful, lonely future world made of metal?

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And here's the other Dare Ice Coffee ad I mentioned earlier.

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The interesting thing about this one is the naked sculpture in the middle of it.  First, this would never fly on American TV, can you imagine the furor?  People would go delightfully berzerk.  Second...  Is it just me, or does it look like the statue's got a (heh) rock-hard erection?

[Image: /grafx/tvads/DareIceHardon.jpg]

If you check out this helpful guide I received in my mailbox the other day, this type of penis is the good kind.
BLEARGH
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