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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: The Emails I Get...
So my father and my Aunt like to make sure I'm kept abreast of all that's funny in the world.  Sometimes the emails and messages I get fail to entertain, but on occasion they're worth sharing.

For all you guys out there....watch out!

Clever Scam - taking advantage of older men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. 

A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise.
 
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
 
Here's  how the scam works:
 
Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.  It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
 
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing.  Then one of them climbs  over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while  the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also August 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 20th, 21st, 23rd, 24th and 30th --three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
 
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
 
Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at  McDonalds. I've  already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home  Depot and Costco.
BLEARGH
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Member since May 2011 · 2485 posts · Location: Brisbane
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Subject: Smoothing out the English language.
A customer of mine just sent me the lastest funny, and since I'm sort of a stickler for correct English usage, I thought I'd pass it on:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. 

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 
BLEARGH
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