Zen Pinball Review: Civil War

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This is a pinball table with a story to tell. Specifically a story about a bunch of masked bodybuilders with their underwear on the outside of their latex suits. It’s not weird if you’re a comic book fan, but for someone who has been out the superhero phase for, like, 25 years, it’s a little bit convoluted and irrelevant.

The story starts off with something something two sides blah blah arguing about pending federal legislation. I’m not even kidding, that’s the point. You, as the statesman for your team (you can choose red or blue at the start) get to make your case, and bring eight different constituents to your side. These constituents, with names like Spider Man and … um, Cape Lad? Underwear Lass? I don’t recognize their heads, but anyway, they’re hidden on the table and you fling your balls at them in the hopes they like what they see and join your side.

I guess. I mean, holy crap this is a massively complicated table without taking the story into account. I can’t make head or tail of it, there’s literally nine billion ramps and rail paths that dump your balls on top of the slingshots at the bottom, which is fucking bizarre and hard to get used to. And then for reasons I’m sure I’ll figure out if I can just force myself to concentrate for a few hours, rails appear out of nowhere and your balls get flung around…

This blue rail wasn’t there a moment ago, and it wasn’t there a moment later:

I want to like this table. I fear, however, that Zen have tried so hard to prove how technically awesome they are that they’ve created a table with so many possible play modes that I’ll never, ever wrap my head around it. If that sounds like fun to you, then get this table.

Rating: complicated/10

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[ Jan 6 2013 ]

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